Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
