I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
