This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
