Where are you?
In a non slutty way
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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