Say something about gay babies.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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