I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
