What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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