Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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