what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
whose parrot is this?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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