I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
