you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
