apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
