Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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