i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
