I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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