found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
