Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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