He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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