So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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