we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
