Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
