If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
