Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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