better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
