The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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