Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
