Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
