What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
