i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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