Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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