Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize