If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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