He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
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