You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
