i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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