Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
