I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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