I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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