I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
