yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
