i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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