I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
PANTIES FOUND
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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