I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
