why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
