I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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