so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
