The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
