Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize