people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
