dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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