Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize