Your face is a jimmy john
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
