Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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