is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize