please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
