Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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