VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
