Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
