I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
