It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
