So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
