69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize