i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
