So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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