It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
