I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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