the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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