Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
