He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
