If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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