See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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