She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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