please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
