Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He better not be in your backpack
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
