oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
