I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
